Dear Blog: I'm just a shadow

Dear Blog,

I was asking myself why I have a low self confidence.. Bakit ako minsan nawawalan ng kumpyansa sa aking sarili.. I am feeling this kind of thing whenever I encounter a person who knows a lot of people.. Yung kahit saan magpunta maraming kakilala.. Yung maraming friends.. Maraming mga kung anek anek.. Inside of me, there is this little amount of sadness and jealously.. Imagine, may mga taong effortless kung makipag-interact sa iba.. especially those who have a better status than you are.. (You can think of as many possible examples as you can) Sa case ko naman.. isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako nalulungkot is that I don't have that guts.. Yung guts na makipagsocialize sa iba, makipag-usap sa crush na walang halong malisya.. Paro yung latter part talaga yung pinaka main point ng article na to... You see, I have difficulties in dealing with other people, especially to the one that I like.. That's the main point of this article..

So, Bakit ganon? It's just that I AM A SHADOW... Always located on other people's backs.. I don't usually noticed by other people because I am on the back of others.. People will only notice me when I am introduced to them by the people they knew.. Parang kapag kasama mo yung isang popular person, design ka lang.. Mapapakilala ka lang kapag, pinakilala ka.. Ganon kasi akong type ng tao.. Ang drama no? But, that's what I am feeling right now... Screw that... This is a tirade..

I'm asking myself how to get myself somewhat an interesting kind of person.. Maybe it's the personality.. If you have a strong personality, you have a strong confidence on yourself... Easy to answer right,? but difficult to put it into action... Madaling sabihin ng isang tao na magbabago siya, pero may mga bagay talga na pumipigil sayo para gawin ang lahat ng gusto mong "pagbabago"..

Naisip-isip ko lang na isa sa mga bagay na pumipigil sayo ay ang image mo... Yeah.. Image.. What if kung sa pagbabago mo ay naging from ok to bad... Naging mas malala ang itsura mo sa tao.. What if things will go from bad to worse? Then, its a failure.. DAMN... Kaya nga minsan parang useless din ang ganitong pagpuna sa sarili kasi wala rin naman akong will para magbago ng tuluyan...

Nagtatatanong-tanong ako sa mga kakilala ko about sa matter na to.. Ang sabi nila sa kin, wag daw ako magbabago.. I told my friends about how to deal this kind of matter.. And they told me that, I should't change.. Why? Because my personality is my personality.. It's just crazy to pattern yourself to others.. You'll only end up being a motherf'ng clone... You will be a copycat.. And I said to myself... Yeah, they've got a point... Bakit ko nga gagayahin ang iba? eh meron naman akong sariling akin... Bahala sila sa buhay nila.. Parang ganon...

OK... Dahil sa ganong ideas nagkakaroon ng clash of ideas within me.. Hindi ko alam kung anong mananaig.. Pero, one thing's for sure.. I HAVE FRIENDS.. Hindi naman naging miserable ang buhay ko.. May mga kaibigan ako, in fact marami din pero katulad ng sabi ko... sa crush ko ako nawawalan ng self confidence.. Dahil doon, gusto kong maging katulad ng mga taong malakas ang personality.. Pero, who knows kung anong mangyayari... I don't have a miserable life, in fact I have lots of friends.. But, my main problem is interaction... Let's see what will happen... Will I change.. in order to have a self-confidence interacting with other people especially to the person I like or will I wait for the time to flow of the fate to move?

Naiisip ko lang... Ibang topic na yata yung pakikipag-deal sa "crush" mo..

Back to the main topic... I'm just a shadow... And when you're a shadow, you're like batman... And when you're batman, you're the Dark Knight.. And when you're the Dark knight... RISES!!! (Ano raw? Just another punchline from me..)

Well, kung katulad mo ako.. That's life pare... Hindi natin alam kung bakit.. pero ganon talga... Go with the flow..

That's all,

LightningSnow